Signs and Bricks
by Kamikashi
Summary: Assiah Series. Short Story. There's a rather strange sign on the path to Jack's front door in Colorado Springs… here's the reason.


**Brick stones and Signs**  
or… How to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

**Synopsis: Assiah Series. There's a rather strange sign on the path to Jack's front door in Colorado Springs… here's the reason.**

**Disclaimer: ****I wish I owned the thing so we could confirm S/J. **

**AN: Parts of this really happened… to my brother. And yes, I hate Sects, and I am a supporter of the military. I respect pacifists as long they're not also anti-militarists; example: field medics in WWII were pacifists who didn't want to kill. Sue me.**

* * *

1655hrs. Tea time. As Jack stalked over the street towards his team-mate's USA home, he noticed that a big new sign adorned the cobblestone path, just beside the way too obvious post box. It read:

_

* * *

442, Irvington Courtyard  
Colorado Springs CO 80906-8276_

_No trespassing for Peddlers,  
Door-to-door-services (unless hired)  
SECT IDIOTS (YES; that includes  
Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists)  
AND Tax agents (I'M British, sue me).  
No visitors after 2300 hrs or before 1100 hrs._

_For anyone ignoring this warning I have a few  
flying **BRICK STONES**  
with your names on it.  
Especially Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists._

_The Most Hon. Capt. J.S.M.E.M. Bartholomew, RN, Owner  
Rule Britannia!_

* * *

The last thing on it was a big fat Union Flag/Jack, followed by a White Ensign. "What the…?" Puzzled, Jack rang the bell.

"Jack! As always, right on time." Jamila led him to the living room, where tea was already waiting.

Making himself comfortable, Jack gratefully accepted the cup of tea and the scone, but the sign didn't leave him alone. "Jamila… why do you have that strange sign on the path to the house?"

The sour face the Briton made was enough to make most people regret the question. "Remember last week, when my right leg had been shattered and I was forced to stay here instead of going home?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I took the opportunity to sleep in for once in a while… or so I thought." Her pout slowly turned into a mean grin.

"That doesn't sound good…"

_Four Days ago…_

0750 hrs, Saturday. Frantic bell ringing woke the house owner from drug-hazed slumber, causing her to curse in eight different languages. "And then I thought I could sleep in…" she hissed angrily, picking up the crutch and hobbling down the stairs, to the door, "Easy, easy." Abruptly opening it, she yelled in best Red-Alert-manner, "WHAT?!"

"Err, hello!!! We're the Jehovah's Witnesses… may we speak with you about the Lord and the world?" A couple, man and woman, a little younger than the half-sleeping, recovering hardcore military woman stood on Jamila's doorstep, asking for admittance.

That didn't faze the same sniper who had only one thought on her brain: _sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep…_ Picking up a spare brick stone left over from constructing the new garden wall, she hissed menacingly, "No… but about your _after_-life!"

Instinctively, the two Witnesses made a few steps back, which was fortunate, as Jamila _threw_ the brick in a (relatively) flat arc, half a foot over their heads at high speed with her left.

"RUN!"

The door closed with a bang.

_Present_

"You would not believe how fast these people can be!" The chuckle escaping Jamila's smirking form was filled with menace.

Jack shuddered slightly at the idea. "I can imagine. So that's why you were sweeping the street the other day." In a way, it was absurdly funny, but the fact that _she _was the one tossing bricks at people added a deadly note to an already morbidly funny anecdote. Then again, if it had been him, _on his day off_… he began to laugh. "Seriously. 'May we speak with you about the Lord and the world?' – No… but about your _after_-life!' At 0750 in the morning. How stupid can someone be?"

"And on top of that… most people living here are military. So close to the base, what were they thinking? Also, I swore a life oath." She shook her head, sipping tea.

"Sold your life to crown and country huh… and there goes the antimilitarist, trying to convert you. A full Mess officer." He laughed again.

"Yeah. Well, the first day I could walk without a crutch, I bought a blank sign on a post, wrote the trespassing policy on it and rammed it into the earth in front of the post box."

"I hope you used a hammer. Everything else would have been too telling," he mused.

"I'm not a bloody green landman flyboy. It's my life that's at stake."

"Easy Skipper. Well, it gives me an idea…"

_

* * *

Thursday Evening_

Movie Night. Daniel, being Daniel, had been late, and so he noticed the new sign in the driveway.

* * *

_441, Irvington Courtyard  
Colorado Springs CO 80906-8276_

_No trespassing for Peddlers,  
Door-to-door-services (unless hired),  
SECT IDIOTS (YES; that includes  
Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists).  
No visitors after 2300 hrs or before 1100 hrs._

_For anyone ignoring this warning I have a few  
flying **BRICK STONES**  
with your names on it.  
Especially Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists._

_Col. J. J. O'Neill, USAF, Owner  
USA, USA, USA!  
[Insert Stars and Stripes]_

* * *

Daniel shook his head. "What the…"

"Spacemonkey!" Jack greeted him.

"Jack…" Entering the living room, he asked, "Err, what's with the sign in the driveway?"

Turning to his Antarian friend, who nodded, he answered, "Ask Jamila." And then, they laughed.

Daniel felt left out. "What?"


End file.
